


Round and Round

by dawons



Category: SF9 (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mainly angst, No Smut, Unrequited Love, inseong is baby, jaeyoon is a dick, jumps from high school to college to working life, mentions of lee jaeyoon - Freeform, not much fluff, request, sanghyuk is so emo, so so fucking emo, we don't stan him in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-27 18:10:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20050351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dawons/pseuds/dawons
Summary: How could this have even started? One moment, Sanghyuk was laughing and joking with his friend about how sick he was of high school, and the next he was imagining how it would feel to lean forward and…He cuts off the thought the moment it comes into his head. He couldn’t.





	Round and Round

****

The first time Sanghyuk decides he feels something more towards his best friend is the morning before his high school graduation.

It’s bright inside of his bedroom, the lights all on and the windows all opened to let in the warm, summer breeze. Inseong’s makeup brushes lay scattered on Sanghyuk’s desk, concealer and foundation opened and waiting idly to be used set around just as messily as the applicators are.

In front of a high, thin mirror, Sanghyuk fiddles with his tie uncomfortably. Inseong glances over at him from where he’s tugging his gown out of his backpack on Sanghyuk’s bed, raising an eyebrow. “You look like you’re in trouble.”

Nervously, Sanghyuk twists the thin, black cloth around his fingers. It’s tangled up tightly, he can barely work his fingers through it in an attempt to untwist it. “I may be...”

Inseong quickly pulls his gown out of his bag, dropping it down on top of Sanghyuk’s comforter before climbing off of his bed. He walks over to Sanghyuk, puffing out his cheeks as he inspects the other’s tie. His blonde hair isn’t styled, messy, even. Oddly, it works with his suit, though. He reaches towards the accessory. Sanghyuk groans when he’s pulled forwards, bent at an awkward angle at the other’s instruction.

“Alright, let’s see what you did...” The blonde murmurs, head cocked to the side as he trails his fingertips along the cloth. Again, Sanghyuk moves in an attempt to fix the position he’s stuck in. “Hey, quit moving around,” Inseong huffs, fingers poised around the other’s tie sharply, “I can’t fix this if you keep squirming. Stay still.”

Sanghyuk cranes his head to the side to watch himself in the mirror, lips turned upwards at the other’s suddenly aggravated tone. Inseong’s bent over in front of him, concentrating on fixing his knotted tie as if his life depends on it. “You’re pulling too hard…” The ebony haired boy whines, rocking gently on his heels. He hears Inseong sigh. Watching his reflection, he tries to find anything else he may need to fix. His hair is styled up, few strands hanging down in front of his eyes while at the same time exposing his forehead. Inseong grumbles something incoherent in front of him, drawing his attention back to the problem.

“I’ll pull harder,” Inseong warns, giving a final tug to the accessory before the tangle in the sleek cloth comes undone. “How did you even manage that?”

“I was trying to do a Windsor knot...”

Only able to stare, the other is clearly in shock as he looks up from where he’s positioned underneath Sanghyuk. He gapes. “That is _literally _the _easiest_ knot!” Inseong shouts suddenly, standing up straight abruptly. “How do you not know how to tie a Windsor!?” Rage fills his motions and words.

Sanghyuk’s lips rise even further, an empty smile forming slowly on his face. Inseong scoffs, shaking his head as he moves to stand behind Sanghyuk, looking up to the mirror. He reaches forward and straightens the cloth, and when Sanghyuk raises his hands they’re snatched immediately by Sanghyuk. “Come on.”

The look in Inseong’s eyes leaves Sanghyuk speechless. He can’t watch how the other moves his hands around the soft tie between his fingers, can only see Inseong and how his lips are parted as he focuses on the mirror.

He’d never seen his best friend like this. He finds it odd that his heart is beating so quickly, but he tries not to let it grab his full attention. He swallows thickly, blindly looking back to his tie, which Inseong tucks underneath his jacket in a swift motion.

“There!” His friend hums, breath hot on Sanghyuk’s neck. It sends shivers down his spine and arms, and he gasps when the other’s arms shoot down to wrap around him. Sanghyuk can tell there’s nothing the blonde means by the action, but… It had slowly begun to mean something to him. “You look great.”

“So do you!” Sanghyuk stutters, sliding quickly out of the other’s embrace. “Um… We should go,” he whispers, suddenly unable to look Inseong in the eyes. “The ceremony will start soon...”

Standing next to Inseong later that day, underneath an awfully hot summer day, the excitement of the graduation has faded into an unsure, heavy pit that fills Sanghyuk’s stomach. It only grows when his fingers brush against Inseong’s, and the blonde reaches down and squeezes them gently, smiling softly as their friend snaps a picture of them.

Sanghyuk glances up to Inseong, cheeks flushing when the other smiles at him. “So...”

Quickly, he unlatches his fingers from the other’s, looking back to their friend who’s fumbling with his camera. “So.”

Inseong doesn’t take the sudden unfriendliness to heart, just laughs as he throws his arm loosely over the other’s shoulders. “How do you feel?”

“Older.”

Inseong smirks. Sanghyuk can’t bring himself to look at the other, dazed by the sudden rush of feelings the other was sending him through.

He couldn’t like his best friend. Not like this, at least. He wasn’t into him, there was _no_ way he was having second thoughts that what he felt for Inseong was something more than a close friendship. Sanghyuk’s heart beats aggressively in his chest, leaving him almost breathless when Inseong leans down closer to his face. “Are you ready to go?”

“Not… Not yet,” Sanghyuk mumbles, taking a daring look to Inseong before his eyes flash back down to his shoes. The freshly cut grass is the victim of his fidgeting, forced down in the shape of his heel as he awkwardly twists it on the ground. They had plans to get dinner that night, but they’d need to go home and change first. Inseong had made it a point that he wasn’t going out in a cap and gown.

Inseong nods, detaching from Sanghyuk before he wanders over to their other friend. Seokwoo was a part of the school’s photography club, and the head of the year book committee. He’d gotten special permission to leave his classes early that day so he could go to reception and take pictures of the graduating class for the school’s website. He toys with his camera, lips pursed as he focuses on the display screen, clicking the side buttons to navigate through the pictures he’d taken of Inseong and Sanghyuk.

Sanghyuk watches as Inseong and him begin talking, conversation flowing easily between them as Inseong points at something on the screen. Seokwoo laughs, shaking his head quickly. Sanghyuk can’t make out their conversation over his own breath and racing heart, but tries to focus solely on Inseong as he watches the two.

How could he have fallen for his best friend? He couldn’t believe it, and he was sure that Inseong didn’t like him back. Mainly because the other didn’t date his friends; Sanghyuk knew that too well from when he’d had to turn down Youngbin.

Sanghyuk hadn’t seen or heard from Youngbin since. He’d practically avoided Inseong completely after it happened, too mortified to even be around him, and far too heartbroken to see anyone that reminded him of the younger.

“Sanghyuk, come on!” Seokwoo calls. “Come look at this!”

Broken out of his trance, Sanghyuk finally walks over to the other two, looking to what Seokwoo’s pointing at on the camera. Inseong insists it’s a smudge on the lens, but Seokwoo’s set that it’s a ghostly apparition standing beside the girl in the background.

“I...” Sanghyuk shakes his head. “I agree with Seokwoo on this one.”

“I told you!” Seokwoo shouts, pointing a finger to Inseong. “What did I tell you!?”

“Oh, come on, ‘Hyuk!” Inseong scoffs. “Since when do you take Seokwoo’s side with these things...”

There’s a soft smile playing on his lips. Sanghyuk tries not to focus on how the corners tug gently upwards, how the lip gloss he’d applied before they lift shimmers softly in the dazzling sun. Sanghyuk blinks, captivated by the other.

How could this have even started? One moment, Sanghyuk was laughing and joking with his friend about how sick he was of high school, and the next he was imagining how it would feel to lean forward and…

He cuts off the thought the moment it comes into his head. He couldn’t.

By telling Inseong how he felt, he would be jeopardizing their entire friendship. He could lose his _best friend_ because of the feelings he had allowed to form. The thought of it all terrifies him, and so he tries to drown it underneath the idea that he could easily keep what was between he and Inseong as a friendship.

They were just friends.

Sanghyuk’s feelings have only strengthened when college rolls around.

Two years later, and he stills feels nothing but conflicted when it comes to Inseong. It’s grown from a childlike crush to a hollow, empty want for the other to return the feelings Sanghyuk hates himself for having. Knowing that Inseong never will, though, has pushed him into forcing himself to move on.

He feels nothing for the girl sitting on his lap, though. Forcing himself to move on has just led to countless one night stands, hour-long relationships with whoever seems desperate enough for him to easily talk into spending the night with him.

She presses her lips to his, and Sanghyuk just focuses on the way she sits forwards, trying to ignore the thoughts of Inseong by forcing himself to think about where his hands fall on the girl’s thighs.

That is, until his phone rings.

“Ignore it,” she urges when Sanghyuk pulls away, but he reaches over to the desk next to his bed anyway, quickly answering when he sees who’s calling.

“_Hey_,” the voice on the other line cuts in instantly, “_what’s up?_”

Sanghyuk looks up to the girl above him, smiling apologetically as he sits forward, placing a hand on the small of her back to keep her on his legs. “I’m a bit busy right now, what do you need?”

Inseong sighs. “_I was gonna say let’s go out, but we can another night._” Sanghyuk can almost hear the other smiling, the way his words are softly laced together, blanketed by his easy tone. “_What are you up to, though?_”

“Oh, just… You know.”

“_Oh_.”

Inseong coughs, clearing his throat before he laughs nervously. He could tell by Sanghyuk’s light stutter that there was somebody else there. “_Then, I’ll text you later._”

Sanghyuk nods, but, remembering that the other can’t see him, just hums in acknowledgment before hanging up. The girl in front of him smiles, wrapping her arms around Sanghyuk’s neck as he drops his phone on the comforter next to him. “Sorry,” he sighs, bringing a hand to the girl’s waist, “no more distractions.”

Aimlessly, his fingers toy with the waistband of her shorts, tugging it gently. She giggles, playfully grinding her hips downwards on the other’s lap at his gentle pulling.

_No more distractions_.

He thinks of Inseong, worries about if he was bored during his classes today.

_No more distractions_.

When she kisses Sanghyuk, his mind is still on Inseong, on the way he’d slowly been growing distant.

Even when she’s pulling off her shorts, her shirt following after, Sanghyuk can’t take his mind off of his best friend. There had been moments where he thought Inseong had been just as confused about their relationship as he was, but he’d never said anything. They were odd, black and white moments when Inseong’s words had double meanings, when his gaze lingered just a bit longer than normal. Sanghyuk supposes it’s just him being hopeful, but still wants to believe that Inseong feels the same as he does.

“You still seem distracted.”

“I may be.” Sanghyuk shrugs, looking up to the girl.

She shakes her head, pulling down Sanghyuk’s jeans. He closes his eyes, leaning back against the pillows when he feels her slide between his legs. “I’ll help you, then.” She murmurs, and he nods when he feels her hands stray lower.

His mind still stays on Inseong.

* * *

Sanghyuk knows the day will come when Inseong will find somebody. He just doesn’t expect it to be so suddenly, is all. One day, they were graduating from college, and the next Inseong was moving in with his boyfriend.

“His name’s Jaeyoon.” Inseong smiles, hands folded neatly in his lap. He shivers from the cold of the brisk winter night around them, but it doesn’t hurt his attitude. He’s still as bright as always; seemingly each snowflake that drifts close to him melts from the warmth he radiates. “I think I may really love him.”

The words send poison through Sanghyuk. He smiles, though, pretending as if the world hasn’t begun to collapse around him. “That’s great, Inseong. How long have you two been..?” It had been a while since he’d seen his best friend. They’d both been busy, with their everyday lives and hectic schedules. Sanghyuk had become a game designer, and Inseong had become a writer for their city’s newspaper. Sanghyuk was often unable to meet up when Inseong asked him to, working at odd hours of the night while hyped up on caffeine while he built two dimensional worlds on his laptop. Inseong, on the other hand, hid behind his words. He was much more bold in his writing than he was in person.

“About six months.” Inseong nods, blowing out a soft breath into the cold night air. It billows around him, the fog dissipating around his face easily. The city is alive around them, shop windows full of holiday decorations and bright red and green lights. “It’s getting serious.”

“You’re moving in with him,” Sanghyuk points out, keeping his tone light though he felt his heart cracking in his chest, “I’d say so.”

Laughing, Inseong agrees. There’s a moment of silence when Inseong’s looking down to Sanghyuk, lips parted softly around words he leaves unsaid. “I haven’t seen you in such a long time.”

“About a year.” Sanghyuk hums, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “You haven’t changed much.”

“I feel older.”

“You look older. More wrinkles.” Sanghyuk quips, earning a sharp punch to the arm by Inseong. “I’m being honest!”

The blonde scoffs, uncurling his fist before looping his arm around Sanghyuk’s. “Bullshit.” He grins, shaking his head. “Being honest, you’ve changed quite a bit.”

“I have?”

“You’re quieter.” Inseong puffs his cheeks out. “I feel like you’re hiding things from me now; what happened to best friends with no secrets?”

Sanghyuk feels nauseous from how spot on Inseong is. Clearly, being a writer had made it easier for him to read people like open books. He couldn’t tell Inseong how he felt now, though, not when things were going so well for him in his romantic life. His first real relationship was going smoothly; Sanghyuk couldn’t ruin that for him. “What are you talking about?” He whispers. “I’m still your best friend...”

“The look on your face.” Inseong unwraps his arm from Sanghyuk’s. “You’re hiding something.”

The night feels colder without Inseong being so close. Sanghyuk looks up to him pleadingly. “I’m not, ‘Seongie...”

“What is it?” There’s excitement on the other’s face; it reminds Sanghyuk of the young kid he’d met in high school. “Let me guess! A game you designed is set to be released? It’s being worked on?”

“Ah… Not exactly...”

“It’s in development!” Inseong snaps his fingers. “That’s the word I was looking for.”

Taking a slow breath in, Sanghyuk feels hopeless. He was sure, at this point, that he was in love with Inseong. The idea of him being in love with somebody that wasn’t him was tearing him apart, but he couldn’t control that and refused to hurt Inseong. So, he lies. “I met somebody, too.”

For a split second, Inseong’s expression falls.

His lips part, trembling as the cold finally reaches him. He stumbles, catching and recovering quickly. His bright demeanor returns, but something’s off about him. The light that surrounded him before has dimmed. “You did?” He smiles, though his eyes don’t crinkle in the corners as they used to. “You did! That’s great, what’s her name?”

“Um...” Sanghyuk bites his lip, crafting the lie further. “His name’s Taeyang.”

“Oh!” Inseong seems shocked for a moment, possibly because Sanghyuk was suddenly into guys, or for some other reason. “Taeyang,” Inseong repeats the name, feeling it on his tongue, “what’s he like?”

Hoping he’s not making it obvious he’s lying, Sanghyuk takes a few more moments to think up the stranger. “He’s… Loud. Really happy, carefree… A bit younger.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.” Sanghyuk nods.

Disappointment is etched on Inseong’s face, but he hides it with a laugh. “That’s great!”

For a moment, Sanghyuk sees the worry behind Inseong’s current expression. He… Did he feel the same as Sanghyuk? Did he have some sort of hidden feeling, something dark and angry that hid underneath his skin, yearning for the company of the person he thought was just his best friend?

No.

Sanghyuk refuses to allow himself to believe that the other is in the same situation as he is, and he looks towards the ground as they walk. Inseong starts rambling about something, changing the topic quickly while killing off the awkward silence that had taken hold of the two.

It’s hard to listen to him. The winter feels much, much colder. The lie had been protection for Sanghyuk, but by seeing that look on Inseong’s face…

The pain had sunk in deeper on him, making him drag his feet and hang his head with what he felt was shame. Inseong nudges his side, continuing to speak with a bright tone though his eyes seemed troubled. Sanghyuk’s sure his must look the same, but doesn’t allow the other to see them for long as his gaze flits from the ground, to Inseong, to the street ahead of them.

Sanghyuk shivers, smiling as Inseong speaks though he feels nothing but empty.

There was no way that Inseong felt the same; he wouldn’t allow himself to hope for it. He wasn’t naive, not some stupid fucking college student who thought the world revolved around him. He can’t even put a number to the amount of women he’d slept with just to cope with the fact he’d _never _be able to feel the same from somebody that would be disgusted to know his best friend thought of him that way.

Sanghyuk fucking hates himself.

* * *

**(10:16PM)**

**KIM INSEONG: hey :) what are you up to?**

**LEE SANGHYUK: nothing much, you?**

**KIM INSEONG: just got off of the phone with jaeyoon. he’s been out of town for a while.**

**LEE SANGHYUK: cool.**

**(10:32PM)**

**KIM INSEONG: um**

**KIM INSEONG: the weather’s nice tonight, huh?**

**LEE SANGHYUK: lol, it’s pouring**

**KIM INSEONG: you love the rain!!**

**LEE SANGHYUK: i do?**

**KIM INSEONG: um… you used to**

**KIM INSEONG: you don’t anymore?**

**LEE SANGHYUK: i do :) a bit shocked you still remember**

**KIM INSEONG: of course i do!**

**(11:44PM)**

**LEE SANGHYUK: because..?**

**(12:29AM)**

**KIM INSEONG: i’m you best friend**

**KIM INSEONG: aren’t i?**

**(1:15AM)**

**LEE SANGHYUK: of course you are – how could you not be?**

**(1:34AM)**

**LEE SANGHYUK: i’m yours… right? **

Weeks go by with no response. Sanghyuk chalks it up to a busy schedule on both their parts, but it feels different. Inseong never left his texts unanswered, and hated when people left his own read and ignored. It was his one pet peeve – he wouldn’t do that to Sanghyuk.

It doesn’t make sense until he’s drunk one night, laying on his couch with a can of beer and some obscure reality TV show playing reruns in the background of his dazed state. His phone rings, and when he sees Inseong on the caller ID he answers immediately.

“Inseong...” He slurs, setting the can down on the floor next to the couch. “You’re-”

“-Jaeyoon...” Inseong cuts off Sanghyuk, and the former would be a bit pissed had he not heard Inseong’s sobs cutting through his own words. He can barely choke out anything through the cries. “He’s… He’s...”

“Are you okay?” Sanghyuk sits up, wincing as pain blossoms behind his right eye. He often got headaches when he drank, so he was used to the feeling of it. He raises a hand to stroke his temple, sitting forward to plant his feet firmly on the floor.

“Jaeyoon’s cheating on me.”

Inseong forces out the statement, taking a slow, shuddering breath afterwards.

Sanghyuk clenches his hand into a fist, dropping it to his side. “Come over.”

“W-What?”

“Come over.”

Inseong ends up swaddled in a blanket half an hour later, tucked tightly in Sanghyuk’s arms. He’s quiet, his relationship of two years having just shattered in front of his eyes. A glass of wine sits emptily on Sanghyuk’s nightstand, where Inseong had set it after refilling it for the fourth time that night.

Sanghyuk’s fingers trail aimlessly up the other’s arm, trying to comfort him in any way he can. He doesn’t know what to say; neither of them had ever experienced something like this before. He wants to apologize, but nothing in this situation had been his fault. An apology from him would be meaningless to Inseong.

Drunkenly, he turns to Sanghyuk, frowning. “I knew he was cheating.”

“For how long?” At this point, Sanghyuk had sobered up. His head still burned, but it was much more manageable than before. “That is, if you want to talk about it...”

Shrugging, Inseong wraps his arms around Sanghyuk, pulling himself closer. Sanghyuk closes his eyes, tightening his own grip around the other as he lets him bury his head in the crook of his neck. His hair tickles Sanghyuk’s cheek; it smells clean, like lavender and some shampoo that Sanghyuk could only describe as expensive.

“A few months. I’ve had suspicions, but… I saw the texts tonight.”

“Texts?”

“Nudes, mostly. A lot of shit.” Inseong sighs. “Sexts, too.”

Grumbling, Sanghyuk mutters back a quiet response. “What a jackass...”

The other tenses, but slowly relaxes. “Yeah.”

Silence encapsulates them, and Sanghyuk pulls Inseong just a bit closer.

“I just wish I could have been better...”

The words make Sanghyuk rip himself away, grabbing Inseong forcefully. “Don’t you _ever_ fucking say that again.” Anger laces his tone, and Inseong widens his eyes, unable to speak as Sanghyuk begins to pour his heart out to him. “You’re fucking amazing, Inseong. You did nothing wrong, I can assure you of that; you’re smart, and caring, and you always put other people’s needs in front of your own. I don’t think it’s possible for you to fuck up; you’re _perfect_. Jaeyoon is a fucking scumbag, he didn’t deserve you and he would never deserve somebody as amazing as you are.”

After a quick breath, Sanghyuk continues. “You know what? I don’t think there’s _anybody_ as amazing as you are. You’re one of a kind. You’re fucking perfect, and if I hear you beating yourself up over this fucking _douchebag_, I swear I’ll kick your ass. Do you understand me?”

Inseong throws himself against Sanghyuk, arms and legs wrapping tightly around him. A sob racks his body, and he shakes as the other holds him in his lap, angry arms folding roughly around him, trapping Inseong against him.

The blonde’s breath is hot on Sanghyuk’s neck, and smells faintly of the wine they’d been sharing earlier. “Nobody...” He cries, face buried against Sanghyuk, muffling his voice, “has ever said anything like that to me...”

“You deserve to hear it,” Sanghyuk whispers, biting his lip.

The silence gives way to Inseong’s sniffles, his broken heart coming out in the sound of his breathless, betrayed sobs.

Sanghyuk holds him through the night.

* * *

“Are you sure it’s alright that I’m staying here?”

Sanghyuk sets down the last of Inseong’s boxes in his living room, nodding. “Of course, you need somewhere to go, and your work is right down the block...”

The blonde nods, smiling faintly as he drops down onto Sanghyuk’s couch. The darker haired man follows him down, glasses slipping down his nose as he sighs. He can only think back on packing up Inseong’s things from Jaeyoon’s apartment, how the brunette watched angrily as some stranger came in and took his ex’s belongings. Sanghyuk had waited until Inseong had stepped out before punching him, but the blonde would never know that. Sanghyuk clenches and relaxes his fingers, calming himself down from the memory.

His feelings for Inseong had never changed, but he’d matured. He learned to grow past them, and he figured that he was ready to move on.

“You know,” Inseong smiles, “I thought you’d be living with Taeyang at this point.”

“Who?”

Sanghyuk realizes his mistake a moment too late. He sits forward quickly, looking to a confused Inseong.

“What do you mean ‘who’..?” The blonde grins nervously, pulling his sweater’s collar up over his mouth. His sleeves hang past his fingertips, concealing most of him from the cold air inside the apartment. “Taeyang… That’s your boyfriend’s name, right?”

“Um… We broke up.”

“Oh? When?”

Sanghyuk’s face reddens. Inseong raises an eyebrow, cutting him off before he can try to defend his lie. “There was never a Taeyang, was there?”

Hesitating, Sanghyuk stares to Inseong. He doesn’t look mad, so he slowly shakes his head. “No… No, I made him up.”

Inseong laughs, crossing his arms. _Now_ he looks a little angry. “Why? Why would you lie about that?”

“Because…” Sanghyuk wants to come clean; in this very moment, he’s ready to tell Inseong everything. But how could he?

“Because...” Inseong trails, leaning forward. “Because?”

“Because I used to like you!” Sanghyuk blurts, before wincing and covering his face with his hands. Inseong stills in front of him, lips frozen around an unsaid word. “I… I used to be into you, but like, lowkey. Super lowkey. _Super _super lowkey. I’m not anymore! It was like… A one month thing, really.”

He peeks out from between his fingers, expecting to see Inseong getting ready to leave. Instead, he’s met with the other’s stunned expression. “Oh my God, please don’t hate me.”

“Hate you?” Inseong whispers, fingers raised, toying again with the collar of his sweater. “Why would I…?” He shakes his head quickly, scrunching his face up as he forces his eyes shut. “Why did you never tell me?”

“How could I jeopardize our friendship like that!?”

“We could have been dating this whole time!?”

Sanghyuk freezes. “We… We what?”

“You couldn’t tell I’ve been flirting with you since fucking high school?”

“You were _flirting_ with me!?”

“Of fucking course I was! How dense are you?” Inseong shouts, suddenly sitting forward. Sanghyuk stands quickly, pacing the room as he tries to process what Inseong was suddenly shouting to him.

The feelings… They’d always been returned? All of the times Sanghyuk had beat himself up for having feelings for Inseong, the other had felt the exact same? He had _hated_ himself for years, fucking years, and it was all… He can’t imagine it’s true. “You’re fucking with me.” He hisses. “You’re not...”

“I am. I’m dead fucking serious.” Inseong raises his hands defensively, his collar dropping to reveal his smile. It reaches his eyes, the corners scrunching happily. “I mean, now it’s a bit weird, because Jaeyoon _really_ fucked me up and I’m not ready for a relationship, really, but...”

“Oh, my God, yeah, no, I get it.” Sanghyuk stops, nodding quickly. He’s shocked he hasn’t given himself whiplash from how hard he moves his head. “I completely understand.”

“But… Wait for me?”

Sanghyuk scoffs. “If I could wait for _six_ years, I think I can wait for you to be ready again.”

* * *

“So, how awkward would it be if you told me you weren’t ready for a relationship still?”

Inseong frowns, sketchbook poised on his lap as he draws the man in front of himself. “Stop talking, you know that it messes up things.”

“How!?”

“Your posture’s all off now!” Inseong sighs loudly, reaching forward to push Sanghyuk back a bit. “Just, fucking Christ, stay there. Right there,” his fingers pull away gingerly, and he raises them to toy with Sanghyuk’s hair next, adjusting it to fit what he has copied in his sketchbook. “Just like that. No talking now, okay?”

“Got it.”

“God fucking _damn it_!” Inseong shrieks, finally giving up. The drawing’s practically done, it’s just lacking shading. Sanghyuk gasps when he finally sees it, grabbing the book as he raises it up.

“This is amazing!” He turns to look at Inseong, whose expression has morphed from a stern glare to a stunned, flustered smile. “Can I take a picture of this? I want to brag.”

“About a picture of yourself?”

“About how my boyfriend can draw like this, you fucking idiot.”

“Boyfriend...” Inseong taunts, to which Sanghyuk raises his eyebrows, reaching forward to grab Inseong’s collar. He stands, dragging the other forward so he can kiss him roughly, playfully. When Inseong starts to kiss back with just the same intensity, Sanghyuk drops the act, becoming softer in his motions.

His hands gently fall from the other’s collar to his sides, and he pulls away slowly, smirking. “And don’t you forget it.”

“If I say I forgot, can we do that again?”

“We can do more than that.”

“I forgot.”

Quickly, Sanghyuk pulls his phone out of his pocket. “I have to go to work soon...” He snaps a quick picture of the drawing in front of him, making sure he gets the lighting and settings just right before he takes countless photos of Inseong’s work. “But we’ll hope you remember by the time I get home.”

“And if I don’t?” Inseong sits back down, pulling the sketchbook back to himself. He starts to work further on the shading, propping the pages up on his legs once again as he raises them. “What will you do then?”

“You’ll see.” Sanghyuk huffs. “Don’t be fucking impatient.”

“Sanghyuk, do you know who I am as a person?”

“God, I sure fucking hope so.”

**Author's Note:**

> second request! let's get it @__@  
this was super fucking fun to write IM GONNA BE HONEST... unrequited love angst >> all other angst (except tragedy hi im a fucking sadist)  
if you'd like to send me a request, please check out my carrd and follow the steps there to request! i'll write pretty much anything except smut heh  
anyway! this was based off of the song 'round and round' off of sf9's newest album rpm :>. i hope it reads at least faintly that way, i kind of got carried away with it and wasn't sure where it was a few times, but i'm hoping it all tied together nicely in the end ;;;  
my carrd : https://floweret.carrd.co/  
-elise


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